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Things Only Women Understand
Five tips
for a woman....
-
It is
important to have a man that helps you around the house and
has a job.
-
It is
important to have a man that makes you laugh.
-
It is
important to have a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
-
It is
important to have a man who loves you and spoils you.
-
It is
important that these four men don't know each other.
Estrogen, Pregnancy and
Women
PREGNANCY Q
& A & more!
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he/she finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline
irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but
pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
ESTROGEN ISSUES
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
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Everyone
around you has an attitude problem.
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You're
adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
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The dryer
has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
-
Your
husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
-
You're
using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my
driving-call 1- 800-..."
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Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
-
Everyone
seems to have just landed here from "outer space."
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You can't
believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
-
You're
sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
-
The
ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cat's facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
AND, the
Number One thing only women understand:
1.
OTHER WOMEN.
Woman's Prayer
Now I lay me Down to sleep.
I pray the Lord My shape to
keep.
Please no wrinkles.
Please no bags.
And please lift my butt
before it sags.
Please no age spots.
Please no gray.
And as for my belly, please
take it away.
Please keep me healthy.
Please keep me young.
And thank you, dear Lord,
for all that you've done.
Foot Note: One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob: "If we
don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts."
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